My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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