This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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