Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
high people should be assigned attendants
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
