This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
