That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
