my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
