at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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