I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
