I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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