Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
