1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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