and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
