end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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