If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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