Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
