the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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