wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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