i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
