I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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