Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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