when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
