I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
