He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
