But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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