2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
