no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
