I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
