The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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