As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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