the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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