I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
