You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
