Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I just sharted jello shots
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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