Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
