I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"