His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
