1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Randomize
