I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review