strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.