you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She bit a glass in half.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
