I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
