Ketchup is God's man juice
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
