Actions speak louder than pants.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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