What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
