if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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