Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
