Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
