I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
