I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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