Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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