its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
