wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
