We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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