i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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