you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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