i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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