his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
