I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
