my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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