i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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