You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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