I wannas sexs uuuuu
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
