Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
