Who wears a wallet chain?!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
