Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
