Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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