Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
