i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
