What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize