Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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