i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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