okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Someone came in the potted fern
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
