I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
