Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
