she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
