talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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